


April Showers

by arimi_skywalker



Category: Arashi - Fandom, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Drama & Romance, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Second Button of the Gakuran
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 17:02:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arimi_skywalker/pseuds/arimi_skywalker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Aiba arrives at his new high school, he can't stop looking at all those boys in their blue <i>gakuran</i>, but only one of them catches his attention...</p>
            </blockquote>





	April Showers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [furokugal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/furokugal/gifts).



> **Author:** [](http://arimi-skywalker.livejournal.com/profile)[**arimi_skywalker**](http://arimi-skywalker.livejournal.com/) ([sutekihanashi](https://twitter.com/sutekihanashi))  
>  __Disclaimer : fanFICTION (extra emphasis on the fiction). None of this is based in anything even resembling fact except for, like, their names. Do not know, don't presume to know. Not owning. Not meant to offend. Just fangirling.  
> A/N: Thanks to my de _ars_[](http://lauchan.livejournal.com/profile)[ **lauchan**](http://lauchan.livejournal.com/) and [](http://furokugal.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://furokugal.livejournal.com/)**furokugal** for checking and correcting this text for me. I suck at expressing myself in english ^^;;
> 
> If you like this, you're welcome to check out my other fics :)

_If you like this, you're welcome to check out my other fics :)_

 

 

I've never liked rainy days.

  
That morning, I woke up lazily, not wanting to start the day. I knew that the sooner it started, the sooner it would end, and when the sun disappeared behind the mountains, giving way to the darkness of the night, it would take a piece of my heart with it.  
  
I opened the curtains of my room and watched the raindrops fall.  
  
Somehow, the sky seemed to mourn my fate. An inevitable fate that I was not yet prepared to face. Every second the day drew on it was a tear my heart cried in silence and another piece of my soul that shattered into a million pieces.  
  
I fastened the last button on the jacket of my _gakuran_ and stared at my school bag sitting on the table, still full of textbooks and notebooks. Today was Thursday and I had taken my final exams the day before. Tomorrow, I'd go to school the same as every other day, sit at my desk and attend the same classes I’d attended every Friday during my second year of high school.  
  
But nothing would be the same anymore.

 

 

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

On April 1st I went to my new high school with my mother.

I had always been a good student. I might not have been number one in my class, but I always managed to slip into the top ten, and that was good enough for me. I didn't cause any trouble at home, went to _juku_ , never missing a single day, and now that my life as a high school student was beginning, I planned to attend a _yobiko_ that specialized in _Todai_ 's entrance exams.

Nevertheless, my mother always seemed to be worried about my future. She asked me everyday how I was doing in school, if I was studying enough, and every two days she used to repeat the same lecture about the importance of studying at a first-rate university in order to be able to succeed in the workplace.

"The name of the university you attend is everything, Masaki", she used to say.

Despite the fact that I was already 15 years old, she felt I was too young to be hanging out with girls. She said they were just another distraction from my studies. For her, the fewer girls I knew, the more guaranteed was my future, and that's exactly why she insisted that I attend a boys' only high school.

If only she had known that the ones who distracted me were not the girls.

Unbeknownst to her, she had surrounded me with potential distractions rather than avoiding them. My new high school stirred up my teenage hormones to the point where I completely forgot that my mom was accompanying me that morning and, while standing at the main door, my attention scattered to every possible point, checking out each one of the boys, all teenagers like me, who walked around in their navy blue _gakuran_.

Some were accompanied by their parents, which made me think they were first year students like me, others who looked busy carrying papers back and forth, most likely the second year students, and just beyond them was a group that seemed more relaxed and appeared a little more mature than the rest. Without a doubt, they were the third year students.

And then there was him.

Seated behind one of the desks in the area designated as a temporary reception for that day, openly showing his annoyance with the job he had been assigned to, a dark-haired guy with an intense look turned the pages of a list over and over again, searching for the names of the new students and informing them which class they would be in. When he was free, with no one asking him where to go, he would watch everything around him, piercing through every shape with his gaze. And how I wished he’d pierce through me, and only me, with those deep, dark eyes.

He, however, seemed unaware of my existence. Bored and impatient, he examined his fingernails, watched the tree beside him, checked the grass under his feet and followed a lost butterfly with his eyes, but never once did he fix his eyes on me. He most likely was not ignoring me on purpose, but I wasn't willing to go unnoticed any longer.

I clenched my fists, gave a determined nod of my head and, without hesitating for a second, I walked with firm steps to where he was, staring straight at him. I was ready to stand right in front of him and introduce myself, attacking directly. But when I was halfway there, he looked up, fixed his dark eyes on me, and all my strength and resolution disappeared.

My legs buckled, my heart started to pound like crazy inside my chest, the blood ran fast through my veins and from my mouth came only little incomprehensible noises, which made him raise an eyebrow.

"Good morning", he said with a bow. "Your name, please"

"Aiba Masaki", I replied, almost in a whisper.

"Aiba Masaki...", he repeated, focusing his attention on the list that was on the table, running his finger over every name as he whispered my surname to himself. "Aiba... Aiba... Aiba... Here you are", he said, stopping on a line of _kanji_ and looking up. "You're in class 1-A"

Words swirled around in my mind, mixing together in a jumbled mess, fighting to get out. I wanted to tell him so many things and, yet, I could barely spit out a simple 'Thank you' as I turned around and continued on my way to the main building.

Who was I trying to kid? My friends had said that I was a cheerful and open person, but acting straightforward had never been my style. That guy had excited me more than anyone, with his open _gakuran_ and his troublemaker appearance, but at the same time, he intimidated me with those dark eyes that seemed to be able to read me inside and out.

That look undressed me and made me feel vulnerable.

"Masaki!"

My mother’s voice brought me back to reality. I was at my new high school, on the day of the entrance ceremony, and she was there to support me and wish me the best. And had I almost forgotten she was even with me.

I sighed, rather embarrassed, and turned to her.

"Where did you run off to?", she asked. "I was speaking to you at the door and when I turned around, you were gone."

"Sorry, mom. I'm a little nervous about the ceremony and it's hard to focus"

"Oh, Masaki", my mother's face adopted a tender gesture. "You'll see, everything will be just fine. You are a boy with a great presence. It’s the reason why I chose your _kanji_ when you were born: _Period of Elegance_ ", she said, making a dramatic gesture with her hands.

I could feel my cheeks blush and looked away.

My mom was a good mother, she always put me first and gave me affection and protection, but sometimes she would say things that made me feel embarrassed. My body was rapidly changing and I was closer to being a young adult than a big kid, but she kept making those kinds of statements in public, which were flat-out embarrassing for a boy my age.

I cleared my throat.

"Uhm... Mom... You can't come with me now, OK?", I explained in a gentle tone, though I was actually dying to get out of there. "I'm going to my classroom to meet my new classmates and my teacher. I'll see you later in the gym, when the celebration begins"

"Sure honey, don't worry. I'll see you later"

I was only going into the building next door, but she said goodbye with a smile and teary eyes, a gesture that would've been embarrassing if it weren't for the tenderness and affection in which she looked at me. I smiled back and went on my way.

Once inside, I changed my street shoes for a new pair of _uwabaki_ and looked for the classroom marked 1-A. I opened the door, nervous and expectant, and a wide smile spread across my face when I saw that there were two other boys already inside. One of them was seated at one of the desks, while the other was standing in front of him, and they both turned around to look at me when they heard the sound of the door opening. I entered the classroom and bowed as I closed it behind me.

"Good morning!", exclaimed the one who was standing, and approached me with a polite smile. "I'm Sakurai Sho"

"I'm Aiba Masaki", I replied, smiling back at him, though my smile was definitely wider. "Nice to meet you"

"Same here"

Not knowing how to continue things, I looked at the boy who was sitting down and bowed to him.

"Nice to meet you too", I said.

"Ah! I'm Ohno Satoshi", he replied, immediately standing up and bowing back.

Sakurai Sho chuckled. It seemed like Ohno Satoshi's absent-minded attitude amused him.

"This is my seat", said Sho, pointing to the desk next to Ohno's. "And Ohno-kun... Well, I think it's obvious which one is his seat", he laughed at his own statement. "You can sit with us, if you want"

I nodded and immediately occupied the desk behind Ohno's.

I was glad to know that my mom wasn't the only one who took his son to high school almost an hour early on the first day, worried about the traffic preventing us to make it on time. Thanks to that, a special bond was created between Ohno, Sho and me that day, since all three of us were freshmen, scared and excited at the same time. Without expressing it in words, but saying everything with our eyes, we found support and calmness in one another, just showing us that we weren't alone that day when everything was new and overwhelming to our teenage minds.

Little by little, the other students arrived and once we were all assembled, the homeroom teacher led us to the gym, where the upperclassmen, the rest of teachers and our parents were already seated.

The vice principal had already given his opening speech, and I had a million butterflies fluttering around my stomach as I walked with my classmates to the first row of seats. I tried to find my mom, who was probably crying already, but a mischievous smile distracted me, completely monopolizing my attention.

The guy with dark eyes was paying attention to me. Me!

He looked at me with an expression of curiosity and amusement, causing the butterflies inside my stomach to flutter even more.

" _Ganbatte_ , _Period of Elegance_ ", he whispered with a chuckle.

I wanted to bury myself right there.

He had heard my mother's embarrassing speech that morning. Him of all people. If I had any chance at catching his attention before, they had now dropped to zero. Or were directly in the negative numbers.

I spent the hour-long ceremony internally smacking myself, wondering how I could have messed up so soon, when we had hardly said more than a few words to each other. I didn't know his name or which year he was, but I felt as though I had to fix the situation somehow.

I thought about looking for him when the ceremony was over, but after all the songs, the speeches, and formal introductions of the students and teachers, our homeroom teacher brought us back to our classroom and began a round of introductions between us to break the ice. He then gave us all the information and rules necessary for beginning our new student stage, and dismissed the class.

I expected that I would be able to formally introduce myself to the intense-looking guy by then, so that he would stop calling me _Period of Elegance_ at least, but our upperclassmen were in their normal class hours, so I didn't get the chance to.

"We can come together tomorrow", said Sho, placing his schoolbag on his shoulder, making me focus my attention on him.

During the student introductions, we had found out that we lived pretty close to each other.

"Yeah, sure", I replied with a smile, turning to Ohno. "Ohno-kun, how are you going to get here?"

"By train. I think the Chuo Line stops close by"

"Yeah, it's the line that stops at the station closest to high school", Sho quickly replied. "Aiba-kun, you and I can meet in the morning, change trains at Yoyogi and meet up with Ohno-kun there"

"That's fine with me, so long as Ohno-kun doesn’t mind"

I looked at Ohno, who absentmindedly nodded.

"I just hope I don't oversleep", he said. "I'm not good at getting up early"

"I'll call you before we catch our first train, don't worry", chuckled Sho. "So that way you’ll be on time, even if you oversleep"

We exchanged cell phone numbers and e-mail addresses to stay in touch the next day, and headed toward the door of the building, where we put our street shoes back on.

"See you tomorrow then", Sho said. "When I get home, I'll check the train timetables and then we can speak about what time to meet up"

Ohno nodded and adjusted his right shoe.

"I’m leaving now", he said. "My mom told me not to be late"

"Wait. Let’s take a picture of the three of us together before you leave. To remember this day"

"Great idea!", Sho exclaimed, taking a camera from his bag. "I brought it just in case my mom wanted to take some pictures"

We huddled together and Sho pressed the shutter as we all flashed a victory sign. After that, Ohno said goodbye, walking out the door, and Sho turned to look at me.

He seemed hesitant to say whatever was on his mind.

"Is something wrong?", I asked with a smile.

"No... no, nothing is wrong...", he cleared his throat and looked away, but he barely took a second to look back at me. "Can I... ask you something?"

I chuckled. He blushed.

"It's none of my business", he continued. "But I noticed earlier, when we were in the gym, Matsumoto said something to you. Do you two know each other?"

"Matsumoto?", I blinked.

"Yeah, Matsumoto Jun, from second year"

I paused, trying to remember if I knew someone by that name, but I just shook my head.

"I don't know any Matsumoto Jun. Are you sure he was speaking to me?", I replied, with a slightly embarrassed smile.

"You don't know him?", Sho was pensive. "I'd swear that I saw you looking at him, and that he whispered something as you passed by"

"Oh", I said, realizing that he was referring to the fierce-looking boy with dark eyes. "Him. Well... No, I don't know him... We only happened to meet for a few seconds this morning, when I went to ask which class I was in. I didn't even know his name until now"

For some reason, the butterflies had returned to my stomach.

"Really? Oh, well...", Sho looked disappointed.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Well, don't tell anyone, OK?", he looked at me to make sure I was not going to tell whatever it was, and continued once I nodded. "My cousin, who is a third year student here, says that Matsumoto is very popular. People around here follow him, like some kind of leader, and says it's very common to see girls waiting for him at the school's main gate when classes are over. They're usually older girls, sometimes even college students"

"I see...", I replied, unable to leave my amazement.

The butterflies were gone as quickly as they had come.

"But please don't tell anyone", he insisted. "If a rumor started going around about my cousin saying stuff about Matsumoto, he would be in serious trouble"

"Don't worry, I won't say anything"

"Thank you", he smiled. "I have to leave now, we still have to pick my sister up on the way home. I'll e-mail you later about meeting up tomorrow"

"Okay, I'll be waiting for it"

When Sho said goodbye and disappeared the same way Ohno had before, I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair.

The name of the boy with the intense gaze was Matsumoto Jun.

And he was distracted by girls. Yeah, I bet he was.

 

 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

It was 9:15 when I reached the high school.

I went straight to the gym, where Sho and Oh-chan were already seated and motioned for me to sit in the spot they had been saving for me.

"How are you?", Sho asked.

"Fine, I guess", I sighed as I took my seat.

"He's already here. I saw him a few minutes ago with his parents"

I just nodded silently.

I was lying when I said I was fine and I was aware that both Sho and Oh-chan knew it, but the former was too polite to say anything, and the latter preferred getting as little as possible in the private affairs of others.

At 9:30, both parents and students were already accommodated, and all the teachers took their place on the stage. At 9:50, just twenty minutes later, the high school band started playing and the third year students entered the gym, two by two, led by their homeroom teachers. Jun walked straight and tall, in his immaculate _gakuran_ , alongside Nino, his inseparable friend. And I could hardly recognize him.

The Jun that I knew never had his _gakuran_ buttoned or his hair perfectly combed. He didn't walk straight, or raise his head with that kind of solemnity.

I felt my heart sink.

He had already begun to change.

 

 

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

It was ten minutes to eight and Sho was beginning to get impatient.

"Why does he never answer his phone?", he said, not really expecting anyone to answer him. "He knows he tends to oversleep and still turns his cell phone to silent. There's no way to wake him up like that!"

I couldn't help but smile.

Sho was tense, tapping his fingers on the desk, and his eyes danced between the clock and the door every half second, but I found it adorable. He wasn't angry, he was worried because Oh-chan had not yet arrived, and that was his way of expressing it. Minutes later, when Oh-chan rushed into the classroom and sat down in his seat, I saw Sho immediately turn to him.

"Where were you?", he asked.

"I'm sorry", Oh-chan apologized breathlessly. "I overslept"

"I called you. Several times", Sho complained.

"Really?", Oh-chan pulled his cell phone out and checked it. "Ah, yeah. I have several calls from you. Sorry, I didn't notice them"

"If you didn't silence it...", Sho snorted, looking away.

Oh-chan was bewildered and I could tell he was about to say something, when I suddenly saw Matsumoto pass by the door to our classroom, accompanied by a shorter boy. I practically jumped up, hurrying to follow him, interrupting the moment.

"Matsumoto!", I yelled, running out into the hallway, breathing heavily.

He turned around and instantly pierced through me with his deep, dark eyes, sending a shiver down my spine. And I wondered why I had just done that. I didn't know him at all, and the last time we spoke, during the entrance ceremony, he had laughed at me. Suddenly running into the hallway and calling him out, was like throwing myself into the lion's den, but it was some kind of impulse I hadn't been able to control.

Maybe I only wanted to feel his eyes on me again.

"Hm?", he raised an eyebrow.

"W-Where are you going? Homeroom is about to start"

He laughed together with his friend, and they both looked at me.

"Homeroom is about to start, he says", the small guy mocked me. "Are you going to be the one calling the roll or what?"

"No... but... Shouldn't you be in your classroom when they call you?"

"Yeah, sure, we don’t want them calling our mommies"

"Nino", Jun said. "Leave this to me"

He fixed his eyes back on me, flashing me a look more intense than ever, making me swallow hard.

"What we do or don’t do, is none of your business, _Period of Elegance_. Go back to your class and pretend you didn't see us, like everyone else"

His tone was starting to annoy me.

"My name isn't _Period of Elegance_...", I replied firmly.

"No", the Nino kid interrupted me. "It's _Period of Failure_ "

I frowned and clenched my fists, determined not to allow them to continue mocking the name that my mother had given to me with pride and affection. But, to my surprise, Jun glared at Nino, making him awkwardly clear his throat.

I took the opportunity to defend myself.

"No, it isn't _Period of Failure_ , or any other ingenious name that you can think of. It's Aiba Masaki. And I'm proud of my _kanji_ "

There was a long silence, in which Nino made a displeased face and Jun continued staring at me, though I could tell something had changed in his eyes. I cleared my throat, uncomfortably, but kept looking straight at him. I wasn't willing to back down. I was going to stand my ground, come what may.

Jun opened his mouth with the intention of saying something, but Sho walked out of the classroom and gently pulled on the sleeve of my _gakuran_.

"Come back inside, Aiba-chan...", he whispered.

I ignored him.

I was too busy staring back at Jun to show him just how serious I was, and watched as a smirk appeared on his face.

"You'd be dead right now if you weren't so interesting", he said, before turning around and disappearing, followed by his little lapdog.

It took me completely by surprise. Of all the things he could have said, that was the only one I wasn't expecting. He considered me interesting. Me. A first year student who had been there hardly more than a month.

"You got off scott-free", Sho said, breathing in relief. "I already told you that Matsumoto is like some kind of leader here, don't get in trouble with him"

My friend tugged at the sleeve of my _gakuran_ again, this time more firmly than before, and pulled me back into the classroom with him.

I sat quietly at my desk, just as the bell rang and our homeroom teacher came in to go ahead with homeroom. Oh-chan had to turn around to warn me when the roll was called and he had said my name because I was completely immersed in my thoughts, still hearing Jun's voice in my mind saying he found me interesting.

A few hours later, during lunch break, as we opened our _bento_ , Sho looked at me the same way he had on the first day of school, when Oh-chan had already gone home. And I immediately knew he wanted to ask me something.

"Ask", I said, grabbing my chopsticks.

"No", he replied. "I’ve already poked my nose into your business enough"

"What are you talking about? We're friends, no?" I smiled. "Come on, Sho-chan, you can ask me, don't be shy"

"It's nothing. Just that... I thought you said you didn't know Matsumoto..."

"I don't know him"

He looked at me, between bewildered and incredulous.

"Okay, I think I have no more questions", he chuckled. "This is all a bit... weird, but I feel I shouldn't ask more"

"Then I'll ask one", I said. "Who was the guy with Matsumoto?"

"I have no idea"

"Ninomiya", said Oh-chan, without looking up from his lunch.

Sho and I both looked at him in surprise.

"Ninomiya?", I asked.

Oh-chan nodded.

"Ninomiya Kazunari. He's in the same class as Matsumoto and goes everywhere with him. I even saw them together in the baseball club"

"Wait, wait. Matsumoto is in a club? How can it be, if he doesn't come to school? Well, rather, that he leaves it"

Oh-chan shrugged.

"I don't know much more. I guess he doesn't always skip his classes"

Sho was still looking at Oh-chan, though he was slightly frowning now.

Oh-chan was slow-paced, lived in his own world and wasn’t concerned with the affairs of others but, while everyone thought he was completely disengaged from reality, he just observed and gathered information in his own way. And that information had proved most useful to me.

That afternoon, I joined the baseball club.

 

 

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

You could tell they had rehearsed the day before the ceremony.

The third year students kept in time perfectly and stood waiting in front of their seats in the first row. Their homeroom teachers gave them a sign and they all sat down at the same time, as the class they were. Jun turned around and looked for me. I stared at him for a few seconds and when our eyes met, I smiled.

As if nothing was happening.

As if I wasn't broken inside.

" _Ganbatte_ ", I whispered.

" _Sankyuu_ ", he whispered back, with a glowing smile.

Unlike me, Jun was radiant, and not just because he had his hair perfectly trimmed or because his _gakuran_ looked neat, without a single wrinkle or crease. His eyes sparkled with excitement, his hands moved impatiently in his lap and his smile was expectant, pure, like that of a child.

Perhaps that's how he felt.

Like a child about to take their first steps into adulthood.

At ten o'clock, when the vice principal led the official opening of the ceremony, we all stood up immediately as the first notes of the national anthem began to play, and a chill ran down my spine.

I felt it was the beginning of the end and, while singing along with the rest of my classmates, parents and teachers, I found it ironic that we were singing such words on the day that Jun's reign came to an end.

 

君が代は

Kimigayo wa

_(May your reign)_

千代に八千代に

Chiyo ni yachiyo ni

_(Continue for a thousand, eight thousand generations)_

さざれ石の

Sazare-ishi no

_(Until the pebbles)  
_

 

いわおとなりて

Iwao to narite

_(Grow into boulders)_

こけのむすで

Koke no musu made

_(Lush with moss)_

I felt heat under my eyes and squeezed the envelope I carried in my hand, with the speech dedicated to the graduating students. I didn't want to cry, not yet, not in front of everyone.

Not in front of Jun.

I had to stop singing and bite my lower lip, in my desperation, in order to hold back my tears. I had to be strong a little longer. Just a little longer. Sho slowly reached out his hand and held mine, without anyone noticing. Still looking straight ahead, still singing.

I looked up at the ceiling, closed my eyes and sighed.

I could do it.

When we sat down, the third year students stood up one by one as their names were called; some of them replied energetically, while others, the less motivated ones, didn't even reply. Jun was among those who stood up immediately, replying loud and clear, looking forward, with his arms straight at both sides of his body, showing the excitement he felt about his graduation. Who would have thought that just two years earlier, when he was skipping classes with Ninomiya.

I felt a stabbing pain in my heart as I watched with glassy eyes, fighting against myself, how he walked up to the podium and gave the ceremonial bows to the flag, teachers, and city officials to receive his diploma. The paper that marked the end of his days in high school.

The one that officially made him a former student.

I followed him with my eyes as he descended from the stage and gathered what little strength I had to smile at him when, already back in his seat, he turned around slightly and showed me his diploma with tears in his eyes.

I was glad for him. He looked really happy. But I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach every time I thought about the fact that I would never see him in the halls again...

It was so hard to say goodbye to him.

 

 

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

" _Senpai_!"

I ran to Jun, who had finished practicing and was taking his cap off on the baseball field, wiping the sweat off his brow with the back of his hand.

" _Otsukaresama_ ~", I said, offering him a towel.

" _Sankyuu_ ", he replied casually.

He took the towel and showed me his genuine smile, the one he only showed when he was truly happy. And I couldn't help smiling back as I offered him a bottle of water.

"I brought you some water too"

"You're always in everything, Aiba-kun~"

I watched as he uncapped the bottle and took a long swig, closing his eyes and enjoying it as if he hadn't had a drink in ages. I smiled to myself and thought that for only those moments, joining the baseball club had been worth it, despite the fact that I didn't actually do much there.

Like all the other first year students, I was in charge of bringing clean towels to the older students, always providing them with bottles of water, and picking up the balls they left in the field while they practiced. We weren't allowed to practice with them, let alone play in any game, but I didn't care.

I had joined the club only because Jun was in it, so I could have him close and start that special _senpai_ - _kouhai_ relationship that exists in clubs, in which the _senpai_ teaches and guides the _kouhai_ , taking care of him at all times like some kind of mentor, and the _kouhai_ devotes himself to the _senpai_ , serving him and making sure to provide everything he needs at all times. My relationship with Jun was slightly different because he didn't much like the idea of someone watching after him, and he wasn't good at taking care of anyone either, even if it was just two hours a week. However, once in a while, he would allow himself to be loved, and I felt that all those hours doing nothing in the club had been worthwhile.

Just to see that smile. Just to hear him say _Sankyuu_.

As always, when it was six o'clock, the second year students went to the showers while the rest of us stayed to clean up. Once we had finished, I went straight to the locker room, where I took off my clothes, wrapped a towel around my waist and grabbed my things to head into the showers. I hadn't sweat that much, but after spending two hours cleaning up all of the second year student’s equipment, a warm shower was greatly appreciated.

I opened the door, took off my towel and looked around, ready to take the first shower that was free, but I froze when I saw that all of them were free except one, coincidentally occupied by Jun. Among everyone in the entire school, it had to be him that I bumped into alone in the showers. It had to be his eyes that stared at my nakedness from head to toe so intensely that it gave me goosebumps.

I instinctively covered myself a little and made a small bow to him, before turning around and open one of the showers there were on the opposite side of the one he was using. I had been naked in the shower with other schoolmates a thousand times, but I was embarrassed to be there alone with him, and I wished with all my might that someone else would enter as soon as possible.

If my body reacted, I wouldn't know how to justify myself.

"Do you always ignore the rules?", he asked me.

I gave a little start, but didn't dare turn around.

I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to meet that gaze that pierced through everything. I didn't want to see that body I was dying to caress.

"W-What do you mean?", I managed to say.

I put my head under the shower in an attempt to appear indifferent, allowing the water to soak my hair, wishing it would wash me down the drain with it.

"I'm asking if you always do as you please", he replied, in a firm tone.

"Eh? W-What did I do?"

I really had no idea what I had done, but instead of receiving a reply, I found Jun's hand leaning against the wall in front of me with a sharp blow, making my heart jump.

"You came into the showers while I was still in here", his masculine voice spoke into my ear, almost a whisper, making a shiver travel down my spine. "Didn't you know that when I'm in here, no one’s allowed to enter?"

No one had told me about that unwritten rule.

I immediately turned to apologize, but when I looked at him, far from appearing angry, his look was more intense and penetrating than ever.

" _S-Senpai_... I...", I stammered.

A smirk spread across his face as he rested his other hand against the wall, cornering me.

"You look really lovely right now", he said, so close to my face that I could feel the warmth of his breath. "You can't imagine all the things I'm thinking I could do to you right now..."

I wanted to respond, but he placed his finger on my lips and leaned in, speaking again in a whisper.

"Don't say anything...", he said.

He placed his hand on my nape and pulled me to him, gently kissing my lips at first, then with passion and desire, forcing me to open them and allow him to freely explore my mouth.

Until that moment, I was convinced that he liked women, but his body now told me the exact opposite. Jun's hands wandered over my skin as if it were not the first time they had touched it, his lips knew exactly where to kiss to make me sigh with delight, his tongue knew the most sensitive spots on a man’s body, and his teeth knew perfectly well where to bite in order to make me shudder and pull moans of pleasure from me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and was carried away.

Jun skillfully touched me in places that no one had ever touched me before. He made me gasp, moan and tremble until I cried his name, as I clung to his neck to keep from falling and hid my face in his chest, embarrassed by the sounds that came from my throat.

"Masaki...", he said, in a low voice. "This... will be our secret..."

_Masaki..._

I smiled as I nodded.

 

 

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

I didn't have the strength to stand up again, but I did.

Now that the diplomas had been handed out and emotions were on edge, I wouldn’t catch anyone's attention if I cried. Everyone at school knew the special _senpai_ - _kouhai_ relationship that Jun and I had, so it was the perfect excuse to allow my tears to flow freely down my cheeks as we sang the school's anthem.

When we sat back down, Sho looked at me, worried and sad.

"Do you want me to go outside with you?", he whispered. "You don't have to stay here"

"I want to stay until the end"

"Are you sure you're going to be OK?"

I nodded.

"It's Jun's graduation, it's a special day for him. It'd be selfish if I left now", I sighed. "Besides, I promised to give the speech. I can't disappoint him"

Sho sighed.

"If you feel you're able to do it... go ahead then. I think he’ll like it"

He smiled at me warmly, trying to give me strength, but there was nothing at that moment that could make me feel better. In a few minutes, I'd have to walk up to the podium and pull myself together in order to read the speech I had been preparing for more than two months.

The speech in which I officially said goodbye to Jun.

I had read it over more times than I could actually remember and I knew each paragraph, each sentence, each word practically by heart, but I suddenly had the feeling that I had forgotten everything. The long paper folded in the shape of an accordion that I held in my hands seemed unknown to me now, as if I couldn't even remember having made the final copy the night before.

The mayor and the principal finished their speeches much earlier than I expected and, while everyone applauded, I swallowed hard, trying to undo the knot that had formed in my throat. I stood up and walked slowly, as I had rehearsed the day before, with my head held firm and my eyes fixed on the podium, where I went up and greeted the flag, the teachers and the city officials. I turned around, and for the first time I was aware of just how many people were there, with all of their looks fixed on me. My hands and the back of my neck began to sweat, and for a moment I wanted to run away, but then I saw Jun, sitting in the first row, with his eyes lit up with emotion and a smile that silently told me that I could do it.

And I really felt like I could do it.

I swallowed again, moving closer to the microphone and opened up the paper that contained my speech. It wasn't very long. I tried to tell funny stories about events I had shared with students that were graduating to make the speech as generic as possible, but in the end, I couldn't help dedicating a part of it solely to Jun. He had been my _senpai_ for those two years. My mentor, my friend, my advisor, my lover, my companion, my guardian angel...

...my other half.

 

 

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

Our secret.

Every time I remembered Jun's words in the locker room, I couldn't help smiling like an idiot. I didn't know the meaning of that secret yet, but to have something to share with Jun, that was ours alone, made me happy.

Since that day in the showers, I started being the last one to leave club.

I slacked off and offered to pick up the last of the equipment in the field by myself while my club mates went to go change, so when I reached the locker room, there was no one left. Only Jun. He was always the last member to leave, officially because of his obsession with wanting absolute privacy in the shower, but the real reason was that we had arranged to meet there after practices.

He also started coming to my classroom two or three times a week during our lunch break. We talked for a few minutes, about everything and nothing, and then he went back to his classroom. Everyone saw it as a normal relationship between a _senpai_ and a _kouhai_ in the same club, but the truth was that only Jun and I knew what was really going on. And I loved it like that.

I guess that was our secret. Mine and Jun's.

Little by little, the encounters in the showers and the talks during lunch breaks began to not be enough, and we started seeing each other in secret. Any little corner of the high school was perfect for turning into a makeshift nest of kisses and caresses for a few seconds. We knew we couldn't see each other for very long at the risk of being discovered, but it made the adrenaline course through our veins and, in a way, made our brief encounters a little more exciting.

I was aware that I was only a pastime to Jun, another catch for his collection, but I didn't care. I was happy just to be with him, I considered myself much more fortunate than I ever thought I could be, and was grateful to be able to share those little moments with him. I didn't care if he didn't feel the same.

When summer vacation came around, we continued seeing each other.

We didn't want to raise suspicion, so we met two or three times a week at either of our houses, when our parents weren't there, and it wasn't uncommon for us to wind up naked in bed, though we never went all the way. And it wasn't because I hadn't tried to. Surprisingly, it was Jun, who knew that I had never been with another guy before, that brought back our common sense when the kisses and caresses began to turn increasingly sexual. He said it was neither the time, nor was he the right person for my first time. I, on the other hand, was convinced that he was. Even though Jun wasn't in love with me and I was head over heels for him, I wanted him to be my first.

One August afternoon, the two of us were naked in his bed once again. I was straddling him, kissing his neck, trying to arouse that sexual desire in him that constantly eluded me and caused me so much frustration.

"Jun...", I whispered, letting my breath caress his neck, moving my hips slowly, in an alluring way. "I'm ready... I want it to be today..."

Jun's breathing was ragged and his nails were running down my back.

"It's... not the time yet...", he said.

"When is it going to be then?", I playfully bit at his earlobe. "I'm dying to feel you..."

"We're fine as we are now... I'm not the right one..."

I sighed, more frustrated than annoyed, released him and lay down beside him on the bed.

"I don't understand. Why do you insist on saying you're not the right one?"

"You will understand it with time", he said, turning to me to gently brush the bangs off my forehead. "I'm not the prince you're waiting for. I'm more like a heartless demon who pretends to be someone he's not in order to be respected"

I looked at him in silence for a few seconds.

"You aren't like that... I know the real Jun... and you aren't like that..."

"I am. I'm no good to the ones who fall for me", he gently placed his hand on the left side of my chest. "You have to take care of your heart and don't look at guys like me"

I frowned and sat up in the bed, reaching for my underwear and pants.

Jun sighed.

"Masaki, don't be angry. I'm only trying to be honest with you"

"I'm not angry", I replied, buttoning my pants. "I'm frustrated"

Jun sat up and wrapped his arms around me from behind.

"Don't leave...", he said, gently kissing my shoulder. "Stay a little longer"

"I would like to, but I have to go to the _yobiko_ "

"Eh? _Yobiko_ again?"

I nodded. He frowned.

"Why do you go to the _yobiko_ so much during vacation?", he snorted. "You already study at home, no? Even I, who is in second year, don't go that often"

"I have to go if I want to get into _Todai_ ", I reached for my shirt and looked at him as I buttoned it. "The entrance exams are tough, and I'm not especially brilliant"

"But you're only in your first year, you still have a long way until that exam"

"I know, but if I start preparing now, I’ll have a greater chance at passing it. Since I was little, I've dreamed about entering that university"

Jun flopped onto the bed, in a dramatic gesture.

"I should've said yes to sex, so you wouldn't leave"

I chuckled and bent down to gently kiss his lips.

"You're too late. Now I'm the one who doesn't want any"

"Oh, wow! You've become a real diva", he laughed.

"I have a good teacher", I winked in complicity.

That afternoon, when I left his place, I had the feeling that something had changed between us. I didn't know what it was, but I felt that we were closer to each other.

Maybe not having sex was just what was bringing us closer together.

 

 

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

His homeroom teacher had chosen him to give the farewell speech.

He said that Jun had changed so much in the last year and a half that he was the perfect student to speak about his high school years. And I couldn't have agreed more, Jun had transformed himself from a high school troublemaker into a student with aspirations for the future. He still had that strong character of his, and continued piercing through everything with his dark and intense eyes, as if he were above the rest of the world, but something in him was different. Perhaps it was the halo of maturity that suddenly seemed to surround him.

When I finished my speech, Jun went up to the podium, and our eyes met.

The two of us had our nerves on edge, with puffy eyes from the tears that had not stopped flowing for the past fifteen minutes, and I was sure that Jun was dying to embrace me as much as I was dying to embrace him, but we had to be content with a knowing smile.

" _Arigatou_...", he whispered.

I shook my head, letting him know there was nothing to thank me for.

" _Ganbatte ne_...", I whispered back.

We passed by each other for only a split second, but I could see the smile on his face widen, and that was good for all the time in the world to me.

My high school years had been the best thanks to him, but now our time together was coming to an end. I'd have to stay there for another year, without him.

And I didn't know how to do it.

 

 

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

"Aiba-kun!"

Jun's excited voice echoed through the halls, accompanied by hurried footsteps that were quickly approaching, and his face popped in my classroom, lit up by one of those smiles that left me breathless.

"What happened, _senpai_?", I asked, getting close to him.

"Look!", he replied. "Look what I found"

With visible excitement, he handed me some pamphlets, all of various sizes and colors, and pointed to the title of one of them.

_Tohoku University_

"Eh?", I looked up at him, waiting for an explanation.

"I'm going to go to college", he announced, widening his smile.

I blinked and looked back at the pamphlet.

Jun had always said that he'd look for a job once he had graduated. Continuing his studies had always been left out of his plans since the beginning, so I was glad to know that he had thought about it further and changed his mind.

But Sendai was so far away...

"You don't seem to be happy", he said, with an air of disappointment.

The smile on his face was gone and he was now frowning. Then I realized that I was being selfish and thinking only of myself. As much as I didn't want to be separated from him, Jun had his life, and college was the best decision for his future.

"Of course I'm happy! Sorry, it's just that...", I forced a smile. "This is a big surprise. I'm speechless"

Jun's face lit up again.

"I achieved my objective then", he said. "I wanted to surprise you"

And did he ever. I think my heart even stopped.

"How... How is it that you changed your mind?", I asked him. "You used to be absolutely closed to the idea of continuing your studies. You didn't even want to hear about the topic"

"Well, I thought about it more...", he looked at me, with that intensity only his eyes had, and smirked. "Shall I tell you during the lunch break?"

"Yeah... sure... fine..."

"I'll come and get you then"

I nodded, still trying to digest what had just happened.

A part of me was really happy for Jun because I knew that continuing his studies was a far better option than living his life hopping from one poorly paid part time job to the next, but other part of me was dying to hear him say that it was all a joke and he wasn't really thinking about going to Sendai.

At lunchtime, he came to get me and we went together to one of the laboratories, which were always empty during the lunch hour. He sat down on one of the stools and motioned for me to sit across from him. I placed my _bento_ on the table and noticed that he only had a bun in his hand.

"Where's your _bento_?", I asked.

"I never bring a _bento_ ", he replied, showing me the bun. "This is my lunch"

"You eat only that? Every day?"

"Yeah, but don't worry. I have a real dinner at night, and I always have a hearty breakfast before coming to school"

I frowned as I opened my _bento_.

"That's not healthy", I looked at him. "Your parents don't mind you eating like that?"

"My father is always too busy. And my mother...", Jun looked away. "My mother died when I was little"

I looked down, embarrassed by my blunder.

"I'm sorry", I whispered.

"Don't worry, I hardly remember her. I was too young", he tried to play it down. "Besides, even though my father is a busy man, he has always tried to give me the best and I know he works many hours for my sake, to help me get ahead. That's why I've always said that I wanted to work as soon as I graduated from high school"

"I see", I replied, grabbing my chopsticks, though I didn't start eating. I was thoughtful for a while and then looked up at him. "You want to stop being a burden to him and help out at home"

Jun nodded.

"But talking with you this summer, I realized that by going to college I'll be able to help him even more. Maybe not right away, but when I finish my degree and find a job, my income will probably be higher and he'll be able to stop working so many extra hours"

I began eating in silence, thinking everything he had just said. He looked at me and chuckled, giving me a playful look.

"Why are you so serious? You're supposed to be happy"

"I am", I looked at him. "But... Jun... Why Sendai?"

"For several reasons", he said, taking a bite of his bun. "I haven’t taken my studies seriously until now, so my grades aren't that great. I can't choose a university like _Todai_ , and my father can't afford to send me to a private one. In Sendai, the grade point cutoff isn't that high and they have a degree program that catches my attention", he reached into his pocket, pulled out the pamphlet he had showed to me earlier, opened it up and pointed to the right side. "Western Culture"

"Western Culture?"

"Yeah, but I need to ask you a favor"

I looked at him.

"From me?", I said.

"Yeah. I need you... to help me with English..."

Jun's cheeks turned red as he looked away and took another bite of his bun. I had been surprised by his request, but I found his reaction so adorable that I couldn't help but smile.

"I'll do what I can"

He stopped chewing and looked at me.

"Really? You'll help me?"

"Of course", I nodded. "You're a year older than me, so I might not be able to help you with everything you need, but I'll try"

Jun leaned in over the table, took my face in his hands and kissed my lips with excitement, making my heart race.

"Thank you", he said. "Thank you, Masaki, really"

Now it was my cheeks that turned red.

"Y-You don't have to thank me...", my voice was shaking because of the kiss and Jun still being so close that I could feel his breath. "If I can help you, you know I'll do it"

"How about we start tomorrow then?"

"That's fine... with me...", I looked at his lips and bit my lower lip. "After classes?"

"No, during the lunch break... I want to start going to the _yobiko_... after class...", I noticed he was looking at my lips as well.

"Okay... lunch break...", I whispered.

He kissed me again, this time more slowly, and smiled.

From that day on, we began to meet every day during the lunch break so that I could help him with English. Knowing that he was only going to bring a bun again, I decided to start bringing two _bento_ , which I prepared on my own each morning. Jun was surprised and insisted that it wasn't necessary, but I didn't listen to him and he gave up on me as impossible.

 

 

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

Jun went up to the podium and challenged the audience with his gaze.

He still had tears in his eyes because of my speech and his hands trembled as he opened the sheet of paper folded in the shape of a fan, but he rose up with self-confidence in front of the microphone and, when he spoke, his voice was firm and confident.

 

_"Principal Ito, members of the school board, city officials, teachers, parents, friends, and fellow graduates, it is an honor to speak to all of you today._

_A little over twelve years ago I was six and I can recall my first day of school. I was excited with about new Kamen Rider bento. My parents were there with their camera snapping pictures and wishing me well. And I met a really cool kid named Kazunari. In some ways not much has changed in twelve years._

_Here I am today. OK, so I didn’t bring my Kamen Rider bento, but my parents are here with their camera, snapping pictures and wishing me well. My best friend Kazu is here and he’s still a really cool kid. And, I am excited._

_But here is how things are different. Twelve years ago I was excited but I had no idea as to the implications of the journey I was about to begin. I had no idea that after the first grade there would be second grade and third grade and so on. I was just excited to be in the first grade._

_Today, I know that I am standing on the brink of a future that it is the rest of my life and I am inspired by the words of one of the greatest American computer scientists, Alan Kay. He said, "The best way to predict the future is to invent it"._

_Some of us here today, including our parents, are wondering how our lives are going to turn out. It is fine to wonder, but I also think it is important to realize that our future is not just something that happens to us. It is up to us to create._

_So, fellow graduates, I urge you to embrace the opportunity before you today. Take what you have learned in the last twelve years and put it to good use._

_Leave behind what isn’t useful (I’m leaving my amen Rider bento) and bring forward with you the lessons that will be the working parts of your greatest invention ever: YOUR LIFE._

_Congratulations!"_

 

I was flabbergasted.

The one who still was on the podium, putting his speech inside an envelope to leave it beside the others, was Jun, but I hardly recognized him. The cheerful boy, with a genuine smile and penetrating eyes, was disappearing, giving way to a young adult, serious and responsible, someone I didn't know.

I felt like crying. In anger, helplessness, frustration.

Where was the person that I shared my secret with?

I stood up robotically as the first notes of _Hotaru no Hikari_ began to play, and once again I couldn't keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks as I sang.

It was the end.

It was... the end... 

 

螢の光、窓の雪、  
Hotaru no hikari, mado no yuki,  
_(Light of fireflies, snow by the window,)_  


書読む月日、重ねつゝ、  
Fumi yomu tsukihi, kasane tsutsu,  
_(Many suns and moons spent reading)_  


何時しか年も、すぎの戸を、  
Itsushika toshi mo, sugi no towo,  
_(Years have gone by without notice,)_  


開けてぞ今朝は、別れ行く  
Aketezo kesa ha, wakare yuku  
_(Day has dawned; this morning, we part)_  


 

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

After spring break, came the new school year.

During the entrance ceremony for the new students, I had to man one of the temporary reception desks, and I couldn't help remembering the year before, when I had seen Jun for first time, sitting behind a desk just like the one I was seated at.

Looking back, things had changed so much between us...

Even though Jun still had no real feelings for me, he had come to need me in some way. I could feel it because he looked for me, called me, insisted on meeting up. I, of course, was delighted. I felt our bond grew stronger each time and, even if there was no love between us, there was affection and a need for each other. And I was content with that.

We hadn’t been able to meet during the holidays, since Jun had to travel to Sendai to see the university and make the pre-registration, but I was hoping that he had missed me just a little. Even if it was only a half of how much I had missed him.

"Excuse me, can you tell me which class I am in?"

A male voice brought me back to reality.

That voice...

I'd recognize it among a million people.

I looked up and saw Jun, wearing that smile that won my heart over and over again.

" _Senpai_!"

A huge smile spread across my face. He chuckled.

"Aren't you going to say anything about my new haircut?", he asked, casually touching his hair .

With the excitement of seeing him again, I hadn't noticed that his hair was shorter. It was still disheveled, as usual, but the new haircut gave him a neater and more adult appearance.

"It looks good. You are...", I looked around to make sure no one heard us and whispered. "...very attractive"

I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks as I giggled. Jun smirked and motioned to the gym, speaking in a normal tone so that no one suspected anything if they saw us whispering.

"I need you to come with me for a moment, Aiba-kun. I need some help picking up my things from the club"

He winked at me.

"Sure"

I looked around and saw Oh-chan putting up posters near our area.

"Oh-chan, could you stay here for a second?", I said, standing up from my chair. "I have to go help _senpai_ with some things from club"

Oh-chan turned around, looked at me and shrugged.

"Okay", he replied, approaching us.

Jun laughed because, after bowing when he passed by him, Oh-chan sat down and automatically spaced out.

"I think Ohno-kun was hoping that someone would save him from that job of putting up posters", he said, as we walked to the baseball field.

"Probably", I chuckled. "He'd be hoping to relax so that he could get lost in that complex world his mind must be"

"Complex? Ohno-kun?", Jun cracked up.

When we reached the baseball field and walked into the locker room, he immediately locked the door and pushed me against the wall, kissing me with so much passion that my legs began to tremble.

"I missed you, Masaki...", he whispered, trailing kisses down my neck.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and closed my eyes, feelings his lips on my skin.

"Me too... I missed you, Jun..."

I laced my fingers in his hair as he moved the collar of my _gakuran_ away and kissed my collarbone, sending a thousand shivers traveling down my spine.

"Calm down", I giggled. "I'm a teenager, you know... my body reacts..."

He chuckled against my neck and moved a little away from to look at me and take my face in his hands. It was something that Jun did very often and that made me feel he was protecting me, wrapping me with his hands.

"Sorry", he said, gently kissing me. "I couldn't control myself"

"I know. It's only been ten days, but it felt like an eternity"

Jun kissed me again, this time biting my lower lip.

"We should skip the ceremony", he said.

I nodded, with a foolish smile on my lips.

"I agree. We shouldn't waste the excuse you made up just so we could be alone..."

"I didn't make it up. I really do need to pick up my things, but I could've done it alone", he chuckled.

I looked at him, confused.

"Why do you have to pick up your stuff?"

"This is my third year of high school. I’m leaving the club in order to devote more time to preparing for the entrance exam"

"Eh? You're leaving... the club?"

He nodded. I frowned and nudged him away from me.

"Why should I continue with it then? I joined just for you"

Jun blinked, surprised.

"What do you mean you joined just for me?"

"Yeah, because you were a member. I don't even like baseball"

"Masaki... I..."

"Don't say anything", I cut him off. "It doesn't matter"

I opened the door of the locker room and walked out, furious with myself.

Jun called out to me a couple of times, but I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was too angry to have a conversation, besides the fact that I knew he wasn't to blame for my stupidity. Committing to a club just because the guy I liked was a member wasn't exactly the smartest thing I had done in my life.

After classes, Jun came to my classroom and asked me to accompany him to his _yobiko_ , which was on the way to mine. He looked worried and was silent for more than ten minutes.

"Masaki", he said. "I'm sorry for not telling you earlier that I was going to leave the club this year"

"You had no obligation to do so. You don't need to apologize, Jun"

"Yes, I do. You didn't like it, you felt hurt, and the last thing I want is hurt you"

I sighed.

"It's not your fault, really. I admit that I don't like the idea of not being able to see you after practices, but my anger is not with you. It's more like frustration towards myself for being an idiot"

"You aren't an idiot"

"Yes, I am. I can't believe I joined a club just because you were in it..."

This time he was the one who sighed.

"I'm sorry I have to stop seeing you after practices. I don't like the idea of it either, but I have to focus on my studies or I won't be able to enter the university"

"I know..."

"We can go to the _yobiko_ together in the afternoon, if you want. I know it's not the same, but at least we'll be able to see each other for a little while after classes"

I nodded.

"It's always better than nothing"

I began to see him twice a day; during lunch break, for our English classes, and then in the afternoon, while going to the _yobiko_ , but I would've preferred a thousand times more to continue seeing him in the showers once a week, than seeing him every day for barely half an hour on a train full of people.

We continued seeing each other during vacations and holidays, but less often than the year before. Jun had neglected his studies for the first year and a half of high school, and now he had to focus on them more if he wanted to pass the entrance exam. I understood that perfectly. In fact, I was pretty busy with my own studies, but I couldn't help missing him. When I called him, Jun always answered the phone and we spent several minutes talking, and when I sent him an e-mail, he almost always replied right away. But it wasn't the same. I needed to see him and be able feel him.

That year went by much faster than the previous one and, before I had realized, it was already February. Jun had his final exams, and then he traveled to Sendai for four days to take the entrance exam and look for a place to live, in case everything went well and he was accepted.

Well for him, of course.

I, being selfish, was wishing that he'd stay in Tokyo.

At the end of February, on one of those days when it's sunny but the weather is still cold, Jun came to my classroom during the lunch break, as usual, but I noticed that his face was especially bright. I didn't have time to ask him why though because, the moment we entered the laboratory, he reached into the jacket of his _gakuran_ and pulled out an envelope that he immediately handed me.

"Open it", he said with an impatient smile.

When I saw the Tohoku University seal, I could guess what was inside, and the smile on Jun's face told me exactly what it said, but reading the actual words was what broke my heart into a million pieces.

_... Accepted..._

 

 

  ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

 

 

At 11 o'clock, the graduation ceremony came to an end.

  
The homeroom teachers of the third year students instructed their students to stand up, and leave the gym in an orderly line. It was time for them to go back to their classrooms, receive their yearbooks and take pictures with their friends and teachers.

Even though the ones who had graduated were the third year students, the rest of the students didn't have classes that day. We could freely walk through the halls, speak loudly, laugh and create our final memories with the students that would no longer be there next year.

But that was the last thing I felt like doing.

"I'm going to ask Ninomiya to take a picture with me", said Oh-chan, as we left the gym to go to the main building.

"What do you want a picture with that guy for?", Sho asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't know. It'd make a good memory, no?"

Sho rolled his eyes.

"You and your admiration for that troublemaker"

"He's smart and has a great personality. He only lacks maturity"

" _Only_ he says", Sho snorted. "He's a brat"

"Yeah, but I like him. I like his sense of humor"

"OK, OK, as you wish. Let's go find Ninomiya"

Sho and Oh-chan continued their conversation. I followed them, but stopped before we reached the main building. I didn't feel like seeing everyone running around happily, making jokes, taking pictures, saying goodbye...

And, above all, I didn't feel like seeing Jun.

Because seeing him meant having to say goodbye to him.

"Guys...", I said. "I'll... see you later..."

Sho and Oh-chan turned around, looked at each other and then looked at me.

"You don't want to come?", Oh-chan asked. "We don't have to go Ninomiya's classroom... I know Matsumoto is there..."

"It's not that", I replied. "I just want... to be alone for a moment..."

Oh-chan nodded.

"Are you sure you don't want us to wait for you?", Sho sighed.

"No, really. Go have a good time, take pictures and say goodbye to the people you know. I don't have the strength right now. I need to be alone"

"Okay, but tell us if you need anything, OK? I'll be checking my cell phone all the time, so call me when you want to leave. I'll come and get you"

"I will. Don't worry, Sho"

Sho nodded and both Oh-chan and he looked at me, making sure I really wanted to be alone. When they saw me nod, they turned and walked in silence to the main building.

I walked in the opposite direction, despite not knowing exactly where I was going.

I couldn't leave the school, but I knew for sure that I wanted to be anywhere except the main building, where Jun would be surrounded by people asking him to sign their yearbooks or take pictures with them. Most likely, he wouldn't even have time for me. After all, what was I in his life? A pastime, a distraction, someone he didn't even want to have sex with.

Now that he had managed to get into the university, he didn't need me anymore.

After several minutes of walking, I ended up at the baseball field. Unconsciously, my body had sought out the only thing I had left of him; first the showers together were over, then our lunch breaks, the trips to the _yobiko_ and finally the holiday afternoons sharing the same bed. Jun would leave for Sendai in ten days, he would find another guy he'd like more than me, he would forget about me, and I would stay in Tokyo, remembering him, dying to see him again, wanting to feel him.

It was still raining, it hadn't stopped since early that the morning and I was in the middle of the baseball field, where I let myself fall to the ground and hid my face in my hands. I began to weep, allowing the tears to run uncontrollably down my cheeks, and ended up crying out in pain.

It was over. It was really over.

And it hurt. So much that it was unbearable.

More than a million shards of glass stabbing into my soul.

...

...

"I finally found you"

The rain had stopped.

I looked up and saw it was Jun, covering me with his umbrella.

"Why didn't you come to say goodbye?", he asked.

His eyes weren't reproachful. Rather, they reflected pain.

I tried to wipe away my tears, but it was of no use at all because new tears immediately ran down my cheeks. I tried to answer him, but I didn't really have an acceptable reply. Only selfish excuses.

Jun sighed and stretched out his arm, with his fist clenched.

"This is yours", he said. "I've been looking for you so I could give it to you"

I stared at his closed hand, but did not move. I was still surprised that he had found me, or better said, that he had even been looking for me.

"Aren't you going to accept it?", he asked.

I blinked and looked at him.

"What is it?", I asked, extending my hand so it was beneath his. 

Jun placed his fist in the palm of my hand and opened it, dropping something small and round into it. He kept his hand over mine for brief moment and, when he finally moved it away, I could see what the object was: the button of a _gakuran_.

"It's yours... It belongs to you...", he said.

I looked up and realized that his _gakuran_ was missing the second button. The one closest to his heart.

"Jun... is... this...?"

I didn't get to finish my sentence. He nodded, fixing his dark eyes on me, and I stared at the button in my hand, then I stood up so I would be able to look him straight in the eye.

"Does this mean...?"

Again, I didn't have to finish. I found the reply directly in his eyes, which sparkled with excitement; in his lips, that trembled with anxiety; and in his fingers, that impatiently fidgeted on the handle of his umbrella. I threw myself into his arms, wrapping my arms around his neck, and kissed him with so much passion and desire that I almost made him fall over. He laughed as he kissed me back and wrapped his free arm around my waist.

"I love you, Masaki...", he whispered between kisses.

"I love you too, Jun...", I said, taking his face in my hands and smooching his lips over and over again. "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. I want to be with you. Don't go to Sendai, please"

"You know I can't do that...", he replied, brushing a few strands of wet hair from my forehead. "But I'm going to call you every day. I'm going to write long e-mails telling you about everything that happens there and I'm planning to come back as often as I can. On vacations, free weekends, holidays... whenever possible, I promise"

"Well, leave some days for me to come visit you,too", I chuckled. "I want to get to know Sendai"

"Of course", he smiled, stroking my hair. "God, Masaki, you're soaked"

He gave me his umbrella to hold and took off the jacket of his _gakuran_ , putting it around my shoulders. Then he embraced me, trying to warm me up.

"I'm sorry", I said. "I... didn't want to say goodbye because..."

"I know", he interrupted. "I know, Masaki, you don't need to tell me. It's painful for me to have to say goodbye to you as well..."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, resting against his chest.

"I love you, Jun", I whispered.


End file.
